The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
