Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He told me they were just razor bumps!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
