Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
