I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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