you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
