Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
