Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
