i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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