Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
