North Korea, Best Korea!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
