First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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