i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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