Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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