it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
