O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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