It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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