Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
