She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
