he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
