Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
