drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm determined to sit on that face.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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