U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
