Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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