he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
