we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
