I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
