Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
