you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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