She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just tell him i said nine months
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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