I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize