i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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