Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
