The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
