you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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