you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
