i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
