dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
That reminds me...we need to get swords
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
