So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
