You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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