every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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