I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
