u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
