I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Randomize
