You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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