i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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