cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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