nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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