so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
