Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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