It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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