i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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