Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
