I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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