New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Come on in and take your pants off
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