You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
