I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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