Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
