i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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