saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
