I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
