Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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